R&R: Part I

20Jun08

06:48

Getting through this deployment has been a matter of living in, and appreciating, the small moments — An extra five minutes on a phone call, or a week where I know Clyde won’t be going outside the wire. Now that he’s come home on leave, those small moments are making up every second of my days.

We’ve spent most of the past week traveling, meeting friends of mine, and visiting with his family. It’s been amazing, but not without it’s share of drama from back home, unfortunately. Today, we head back and, tomorrow, I go back to work. While I want nothing more than to spend every second I can with him, I still have to protect my job (which, considering all of the bullshit they have, and are, putting me through, is sad). Still, there’s something to the fact that he will be there, waiting for me, when I get home — a turning of tables, so to speak.

I’m mourning, though. The day for him to go back is coming up fast, and we’re not even halfway through this deployment yet. When I think of it, I can hardly bear it. It’s so unfair somehow, and my understanding of what he is doing, and why he is doing it, doesn’t help right now. I’m breaking SR protocol by saying this, but I really don’t give a damn about the people Over There. I don’t see how their lives and happiness could possibly be more important than ours. After centuries of killing one another, you’d think they would learn, but they don’t, and now I, and countless other Americans, Italians, Britons, etc., sleep alone. All the lectures on the importance of a stable Middle East don’t mean jackshit to me right now. I’m a child again, selfish and demanding, wanting what I want right now, not in December. I respect Clyde’s integrity, and I appreciate what he has chosen to do but, in this moment, as he sleeps, safe in the bed right behind me, none of it matters. All I can see are the months without him, and I am angry at the people who give cause for him to have to go back. It’s wrong, but so be it. No one should have to be satisfied with just two weeks beside the person that they love.

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